Note of Self (EN)

pour elle, laquelle lit Elle

Is simplicity best
Or simply the easiest?
The narrowest path
Is always the holiest.
So walk on barefoot for me,
Suffer some misery,
If you want my love!

I left behind an extremely agitated week. Probably the best training I’ve ever delivered, where participants finally realized what was the attitude change we expected. Probably the deepest pains I’ve ever experienced in separation—and I had to deal with two of them, equally devastating, though totally different in substance.

Got on the train to Predeal, for an NGO seminar on transparency of decision-making in public authorities. Plugged and plucked in the headphones, pushed the play button on my mobile phone’s music player, and basked into 3 hours of nonstop listening to some of the 100+ Depeche Mode songs on the memory card, gazing at the snow-white, frozen, anesthetizing landscape.

It felt like thousands of needles piercing through my skin: every spot, every dot subjected to pricks of intravenous perfusions or transfusions—I’m not sure… Depeche Mode’s music flowing through my veins, filling my heart, banging my head, soothing my soul. Gloriously frightening and dangerously exhilarating, at the same time!

Now, I feel like I have only one driver left, and that’s a question of lust! I just need to muster, foster, forge this surviving driver into the energy I need in order to continue on/with my quest, to learn and understand why is it the case that “most of the time, love’s not enough in itself.”

Things must change.
We must rearrange them
Or we’ll have to estrange them.
All that I’m saying,
The game’s not worth playing,
Over and over again!